The Freaks of Arkham Asylum: The Scarecrow

It goes without saying that Batman: Arkham Asylum is a great game.  Likewise, it goes without saying that Arkham Asylum (the location itself) is one creepy place, with its claustrophobic hallways and ancient hidden passageways.  Batman fans know that it is here that all of Gotham City's super-villains are kept after they get their asses handed to them by the Bat.  While most of these villains are completely insane freaks that each deserve their own blog post, today I'm going to talk about Scarecrow.  In my opinion he was the creepiest character in the game (yes, worse than the Joker), with plenty of appearances throughout Arkham Asylum, each more intense than the previous.

For those who haven't played this game or read the comics, the Scarecrow is a villain who is obsessed with the concept of fear and has invented various fear-inducing toxic gasses.  The scarecrow sack mask only adds to the effect, along with preventing him from breathing in his own fear toxins.

As with all characters in the Arkham Asylum game, the Scarecrow is released from his cell and begins his rampage of terror throughout the asylum, happily attacking security guards and Batman.  From the first moment we encounter him, he is wearing his Scarecrow getup, complete with syringe-tipped gloves.  I've always wondered, did the asylum personnel let him wear this crazy costume in his cell, or did he break into a storage locker and equip all these things after he was released?  Because he seems to be all geared up after only being out of his cell for a short time.  Oh well, this is Batman.  If we can believe that a giant half-human, half-crocodile guy can exist in this world, we can believe that the Arkham staff are stupid enough to let the Scarecrow wear syringe gloves in his cell.

Moving on, whenever you encounter the Scarecrow in Arkham, you inevitably enter a nightmarish hallucination sequence caused by Batman breathing in the fear-toxins.  In these sequences, the Scarecrow manages to take the freakishness to the next level.  Batman hallucinates that the Scarecrow is a 100ft tall giant, with a cringe-inducing distorted voice.

These sequences are pretty intense to play at night without lights.

In the unfortunate case that Batman dies during a hallucination, you are treated to a cutscene of the Scarecrow creeping towards you in the dark, adding to your nightmares for the evening.

There is one hallucination that is worth mentioning due to how cleverly you transfer from the real world to the nightmare world.  If you haven't played the game yet, don't read on!  During one section of the game you are calmly walking through a deserted area of the asylum when Batman starts lightly coughing every once in a while.  All of a sudden the game freezes and the screen gets distorted.  If you've ever had a graphics card overheat and start displaying artifacts on the screen, you will recognize the distortion and expect the worst (I thought I fried my video card).  Before you go into full panic mode and shut down your PC or console, the game unfreezes and cuts to the opening movie of the game, but this time with the roles of Batman and the Joker reversed.  I have to give credit to the game developers for creating such a refreshing prank!

In conclusion, the Scarecrow is one severely freaky character in Arkham Asylum, whose hallucination sequences must be experienced at least once.  What did you guys think of these sequences?  Did you get fooled by the spoof "crash?"

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Out of Place Gaming Moments

One very important factor that can make a game great is immersion.  We want to feel like we are in the world created by the game developers, interacting with everything and everyone.  Occasionally game devs throw in Easter eggs or other features that completely pull you out of that immersion.  Sometimes it's a welcome change, sometimes not, and sometimes it's just plain weird.  Previously I covered the strange and out of place giant heart in GTA IV, and today I'm going to talk about a couple other gaming oddities that seem out of place in the worlds they try to create.

Blitzball, from Final Fantasy X

When you hear the words Final Fantasy, what comes to your mind is most likely lengthy quests, epic boss battles, and......underwater soccer matches?  Ok probably not so much with the soccer, but unfortunately those of us who played through Final Fantasy X had no choice but to add this awkward event to our list of experiences.

You're pretty much screwed every time this happens.

Mini-games are no stranger to Final Fantasy games, remember all the hours you spent in the Gold Saucer amusement park in Final Fantasy VII?  In FFX, the team-based underwater sport known as Blitzball feels completely out of place with the monster-slaying, temple-exploring aspects of the game, but that could be forgiven if the mini-game was fun.  It is fun right?  Wrong.  Blitzball is a sloppy mess, an attempt to mix together turn-based battle and a sporting event, with disastrous results.  Your teammates are severely underpowered, the opponent AI is awful and unfair, usually ganging up on you and leaving you no choice but to fumble the ball.  The very last thing that could redeem Square Enix for introducing Blitzball into the world of Final Fantasy would be if this mini-game was optional.  But alas, nobody who plays through FFX can escape its clutches, seeing as you must complete at least one Blitzball match in order to advance in the game.

The Super Mario-style level in Star Trek Elite Force II

This is actually a pretty funny addition to Star Trek Elite Force II, even though it is in the form of a hidden Easter egg.  When playing a Star Trek-themed first-person shooter, the last thing you'd expect to encounter would be a side scrolling level in the vein of Super Mario.  However in this game it does happen.  At one point you can find a hidden warp pipe, shaped just like the nice green ones we all know and love.  Entering the warp pipe shifts the game to third-person view and takes you to a platforming level that clearly pokes fun at the mustached plumber.  Don't believe me?  See for yourself:

Honorable Mention: Everything in Conker's Bad Fur Day

This game is like one big episode of Monty Python, you never know what kind of level you'll end up in as you progress through. What starts off as a simple story about a drunken squirrel trying to find his way home soon evolves into a completely crazy adventure unlike anything you'll see even to this day.  One moment you'll be inside a giant mountain of dung fighting a living (and singing!) piece of waste, the next moment you'll be battling dinosaurs in a prehistoric-themed level, or pulling off slo-mo moves in a world that pays homage to the Matrix. It's unexpected, and everything is pretty much out of place, so this deserves an honorable mention.

This post has barely scratched the surface of out of place elements in videogames, what kinds have you encountered during your years of gaming?

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Sligs: It's An Odd World After All

With a name like Oddworld, you expect a weird game.  The Oddworld series definitely delivered the strangeness, and in a very good way.  The games had creepy locations and an even creepier population.  I still remember my "what the hell" moment seeing the animated Abe head for the first time on the title screen of Abe's Oddysee.  Today though we're going to overlook Abe and talk about the Oddworld games' iconic enemies: the Sligs.

Straight from the demented mind of Lorne Lanning

Sligs are to Abe what Goombas are to Mario.  However Mario never had to deal with fast-moving Goombas with machine guns who could pick him off from a distance.  Sligs are basically used as security personal throughout Oddworld, tasked with fending off intruders (I'm looking at you Abe) and keeping Mudokon slaves in line, which usually means beating them for no reason.  They are brutal, merciless, rude, and lazy, often sleeping and smoking on the job.

Appearance-wise, these upstanding citizens make you wonder what's going on inside Lorne Lanning's head; they look to be something out of your worst nightmare.  Tentacles either cover or extend from their mouths (we'll never know for sure since they always wear a gas-mask), making Sligs look like they are swallowing a giant green spider.  They also have no natural legs.  Their bodies end at the bottom of their spine, forcing them to crawl around using their arms unless they are fitted with prosthetic legs.

Slig without robo-pants

Sligs come in a few variants.  There's the standard foot soldier Slig (the first picture of the article), the flying Slig who uses a helicopter-style prosthetic that Dr. Robotnik would be proud of:

And then there's the Big-Bro Slig.  This is a Slig who has been beefed up using massive amounts of steroids, making him so large that he needs a heavy duty four-legged prosthetic in order to move around.

Of course Sligs are just one type of creature in the Oddworld games, there are many other nightmarish creations to talk about, but that's a story for another day!  Hopefully this brought back some memories of sneaking around Rupture Farms, hiding from these mean green machines!

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Shrek on Xbox: A Twisted Fairy Tale Indeed

It pretty much goes without saying that the majority of movie-licensed games are very poor quality, with the exception of great games like EA's Lord of the Rings series, and the recent Batman: Arkham Asylum/City games.  Back in 2001 a particularly painful movie-licensed game was released alongside the original Xbox: Shrek.  Why am I picking on a kids game you might ask?  Well the reason is I played it back in the day and I found it to be an odd game, so I feel it belongs in our blog of strangeness.

Judging by this cut and paste artwork, we can tell the game will be high-quality.

Begin Rant

Ok there's a few things I want to complain about before I get into some of the weird things about this game.  First of all, this game probably tricked many unsuspecting people into purchasing it, leading them to believe it would follow the hilarious plot of the first Shrek movie.  This is not the case at all; the game shuns the plot of the film, opting to go with the “Merlin is evil, go stop him” route.  Because of this we don't get any of the characters from the film besides Shrek and a very brief appearance of the Magic Mirror (supposedly Merlin has kidnapped Fiona, but we never see her, unless she's in the ending credits.  I never bothered trying to beat the final boss so I don't know for sure).  Words cannot express my disappointment at the absence of Donkey.  Nothing says “I'm cheap and I don't give a damn” like not licensing everyone's favorite characters, and on top of that not providing a voice actor for Shrek.  How can you make a Shrek game without at least hiring a Mike Myers sound-alike?

M.I.A.

End Rant

Now that we got through the rant, let's talk a little about this strange (and bad, very bad) game.

The Environment Art Style

Whereas the environments in the first Shrek film were clearly inspired by medieval times, the environments you encounter in the game look like they were rejected from the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Structures have crazy proportions, and everythingis bump mapped so that Bill Gates could flip the bird to Sony by showing off his more powerful hardware.  It's kind of interesting and kind of cringe-worthy as you wander around these areas.  However you'll spend most of your time lost due to horrible level design.  The art style in this game should have made the environments more enjoyable, but as a whole it somehow feels soul-less.  Maybe it's because the areas are so sparsely populated?  Maybe it's the crap soundtrack?  Either way, when playing this game you get that weird feeling you only experience when playing budget games.

The Characters

One of the things that made the Shrek films so enjoyable were the comedic re-creations of classic fairy tale characters (I can't help but laugh whenever the cross-dressing evil stepsister has a line of dialog).  Fortunately we get a little of this in the Xbox game, with such classics as Humpty-Dumpty and Little Bo Peep.  However the remaining characters/enemies are mostly uninspired, such as witches, skeletons, bats, court jesters, and many more things from Blandville.  There are a few really weird character creations though, such as Gumby-like kids with slingshots:

Shrek takes out his frustrations on half-assed character design.

the candy monstrosity Frankendrop (who happens to also be a boxer), and the oddly funny disco-dancing cow that appears in a few of the levels.  Something that I also found a little odd are the human characters.  In the films they were portrayed as exaggerated but semi-realistic people, but the game tends to show them as dwarf-like with bland faces.  Did the developers care at all about being true to the source material?

This ends my quick look at Shrek for the original Xbox.  This is really one of those games that you have to play for yourself to experience how bad it is, along with how awkward the environments are.  I feel like I should end this post with a Smashmouth song like the movie, but the game devs didn't bother to license their music either.

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Unexplained Strangeness in Bully

Have you ever come across a character in a game whose back-story isn't explained, despite the fact that we know the back-story could be awesome, even to the point of rivaling the main storyline?  It's annoying that game developers sometimes leave interesting stories out of our games, so that we may only speculate in forums or (shudder) fan fiction.  But as with all media, the authors can't explain everything or the games/movies/books would never be released.  In this article I'm going to be looking at some of the weird things in Rockstar's Bully game that have unfortunately gone unexplained.

But wait a second, Bully?  A game about a kid taking over a private school?  You might be thinking that other than the exaggerated high-school setting, there's nothing too interesting happening in the background.  But keep in mind that this is a Rockstar game, remember all the crazy things you heard on the car radios in the Grand Theft Auto games?  Not to mention the supposed Bigfoot sightings in GTA San Andreas.  Bully surprisingly contains some aspects from the science fiction and horror genres.

The presence of aliens is strongly implied in the game.  One of the missions in Bully has you collecting transistor radios for a hobo camped out next to the school.  Once you've given all the radios to the hobo, he builds some kind of device, and then is promptly pulled into the sky by a huge tractor beam, never to be seen again.

Beam me up Jimmy!

That's not all the alien evidence either.  Later on in the game you get access to the nearby asylum, where you discover more hints.  In one room is a portrait of a scientist standing next to what looks like a little alien:

Like all conspiracy theories involving aliens, low quality photos are to be expected.

Further exploration takes you to a room with X-ray images hung on a wall.   Some of these images appear to show an alien's head.

I don't know about you, but when I was playing through Bully I definitely wanted to learn more about the alien presence in the little town this game is set in, it seemed more interesting than the game's plot of taking over the school.

Earlier I also mentioned horror aspects in Bully.  It is hinted that there is a werewolf inhabiting the area.  In the same X-ray room mentioned above, there are also an X-ray showing what appears to be a wolf-ish head on a human body.  Nearby in the asylum is an area that looks to have once been barricaded off.  When you come across this area, the barricades have long since been violently destroyed, giving the appearance that something has broken out of the asylum.  Another fun thing Rockstar added to this game is a werewolf mask that you can equip.  The interesting part is that the mask has a facial scar similar to that of the game's main antagonist Gary (coincidence?).  Add to that the occasional howling sounds that can be heard at night, and you have one fun side-story that the developers have left mostly to our imaginations.

 This concludes my look at some interesting story possibilities in Bully that have yet to be explored in depth.  What kind of unexplained game stories have you guys come across?

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A Super Turbo Turkey Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!  Hope everyone's having a good time and getting ready for some great food.  Before you pass the mashed potatoes, how about celebrating Thanksgiving by playing a little Super Turbo Turkey Puncher 3?  Ok so this isn't an actual standalone game, it's a mini-game/Easter egg in Doom 3.  Early on in Doom 3 you come across an arcade machine containing a mini-game with Doom 1-style graphics, where you play as the original Doom Guy, punching turkeys with the brass knuckles from Doom 1.  Strange? Yes.  Addicting? Possibly.


Of course if you're not a turkey fan, you could always harass some chickens in a Zelda game.  Have fun!

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Andross: The Disembodied Head from Hell

What happens when you take the 3D head of Mario from the title screen of Super Mario 64, then make it infinitely more ugly and frightening to children?  Why you get Andross from Star Fox 64 of course!

Separated at birth?

This freak final boss has been creeping us out since the days of the original Star Fox on Super Nintendo, but today we're only going to focus on his N64 incarnation.  Apparently Andross used to be a regular non-evil scientist on Corneria before (cliché alert!) he went mad with power and was banished from the planet.  What's interesting to note is that before being banished, Andross didn't have an enormous disembodied head, giving rise to questions about the nature of his experiments after leaving Corneria.  This is something that for some strange reason has always been fascinating to me, how and why did he lose the rest of his body and turn his head into the Death Star?

As if this weren't strange enough, the big bad head has two different forms you can battle, depending on the path you take through the game.  There's Robo-Andross, where you find out that the disembodied head you were fighting was just a giant robotic Andross:

Proof that Skynet has a sense of humor.

And then there's Scare-the-Hell-Out-of-Little-Kids-Andross, which is supposedly his true form: a giant floating brain with two eyeballs that can independently fly around.

Even if you were to accept that some kind of science experiment would let you live as a giant head, living as a giant talking brain with huge paddle-ball-ish eyes seems a bit far-fetched.  We were given no explanation as to how this happened, but to be honest we were all so shocked by this revelation that we probably wouldn't have listened to an explanation anyway.

On that note, I leave you to ponder what was going through the Nintendo devs' giant floating brains when they devised this final boss in Star Fox 64.

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The Possible Recurring Cast of Skyward Sword (Massive Speculation)

After all this time, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword is almost upon us! The first and last Wii-exclusive Zelda title (remember, Twilight Princess was also a Gamecube title) looks to send the Wii out with a bang. It is much too early to speculate what the Zelda games will be like once the franchise inevitably moves to the Wii U, seeing as we don't know much about it other than the controller looks like a giant white high-definition Sega Game Gear. However, with Skyward Sword's release just around the corner, now is the perfect time to add to the excitement by guessing what will be in this game.

In this article I wanted to speculate about which recurring characters we will see in Skyward Sword. Recurring characters are no stranger to the Zelda franchise, which of course features the same protagonist in every game. After the series' jump to 3D with Ocarina of Time, more and more characters in the Zelda universe have made an appearance in some form. Majora's Mask is an extreme case due to being set in an alternate universe to Ocarina of Time, with alternate versions of most of the Hyrule population. With that said, let's take a look at a few characters from past Zelda games, and make a wild guess if they will appear in Skyward Sword.

The Postman

We all know this guy, he was called the Running Man during his first Zelda appearance in Ocarina of Time, and since then has taken up a career in postal delivery for later Zelda games. I'd almost be willing to bet money he will show up in Skyward Sword, mainly because of how many times this guy has put in a cameo lately. Imagine the possibilities! The Postal Man with winged boots, running/flying through the clouds to deliver mostly pointless mail to Link.  Not too exciting, but maybe I just want to see the Postman run on air.

The Happy Mask Salesman

Ok I know this would probably be a stretch. We haven't seen the quick-tempered mask salesman on a non-handheld console since Majora's Mask. Presumably this is because he's the first person you see when you respawn in the clock tower, during the period when you are dangerously enraged by yet another repeated failure to save Clock Town from the evil of Miyamoto's three-day time limit. Still, we've all had over ten years to cool off and (mostly) get over our grudge against the mask salesman for making us repeat the same three days over and over in a style that Dark Tower fans will appreciate.  It would be fun to see this guy in Skyward Sword, if only for the nostalgia.

Tingle

You didn't think I'd leave Tingle off this list did you?

Admit it, before reading a single word in the opening paragraph of this article, you made a quick scroll-through to see if I was going to mention this character.  I know, I'm always getting on Tingle's case.  Why the Nintendo devs chose to include the flamboyant map-maker/creepy man-elf in so many Zelda games, we may never know. Tingle hasn't put in an appearance outside of handheld consoles since the horror known as Tingle Island in the Wind Waker, but I wouldn't be surprised if he made a triumphant return to our nightmares through Skyward Sword. I grudgingly admit that he would probably be a good fit for this game, due to the balloon he uses to float around. Can't you just picture him flying hundreds of feet above Hyrule field, slowly drifting towards Link with his balloon, blood dripping down his chin while he sings Tingle Tingle Kooloo-Limpah? Maybe he'll even make an appearance as an optional boss battle:

This concludes my quick speculation as to what Zelda characters could make a cameo appearance in Skyward Sword. What recurring characters would you guys like to see in this latest Zelda release?

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The Launch of Skyrim

Happy Skyrim launch day!  Unfortunately I haven't picked up my copy yet, but I'm dying to play through.  After spending way over 200 hours in Oblivion (and still barely touching the Shivering Isles expansion), I can't wait to explore the new game world and begin treasure hunting in the caves/temples/tombs.

I came across this funny Skyrim-ish video on Youtube, I guess now we know what the game would look like with super extra low PC settings:


Have you guys picked up Skyrim yet? Or are you saving for the other big release of the year: Skyward Sword?

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An Odd GTA Moment: The Heart of Liberty City

I don't know about you guys, but after seeing the trailer for Grand Theft Auto V, I'm pretty excited to return to San Andreas.  In GTA San Andreas it was awesome having three distinct cities to visit, with miles of country for you to explore in between each city.  Sure GTA IV had three areas of Liberty City to explore, but the city environment was pretty similar in each section, and to get to each area you merely had to drive across a bridge.  Sure it was still fun to roam around, but when you've walked down an alley for the thousandth time, it gets a little old.


Another thing in GTA V that I'm really hoping for is a return to the goofiness of some of the missions.  In GTA IV it seemed like every mission included driving to a warehouse, taking part in a lengthy shootout in said warehouse, then participating in a car chase (as a side note, I loathe the drive-by shooting controls).  Whatever happened to the completely crazy missions of the previous GTA games?  Whatever happened to luring a group of people to an ice cream truck by playing the truck's music, then detonating a bomb in the truck to kill them all?  Whatever happened to loading dead bodies into the back of a dump truck, then driving the truck to a lake to dump them?

GTA IV definitely went with a more "realistic" approach, but there is one thing in this game that stands out, and not only is it unrealistic, it's completely out of place.  What I'm talking about is the Easter egg known as the Heart of Liberty City.  Unbeknownst to some GTA IV players, deep within the Statue of Happiness is a gigantic beating heart.  An actual living, pumping heart that dwarfs Niko when he dares venture into the statue.  I have to admit this creeped me out a little when I found out about this; it seems more at home in a Sci-Fi game then in an open world sandbox like Grand Theft Auto.  Don't believe me?  See for yourself:


Why is there a heart inside the Statue of Happiness? Is it alive in some way?  Did a science experiment go wrong?  The game offers no explanation, so we are left to wonder.

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The Disturbingly Awesome Zombies of Valve Games

Happy Halloween everyone!  What better day to play some scary games than this?  Maybe you're planning on taking a tour of the mansion in Resident Evil 1, or making your way through the fog in Silent Hill, or turning off all the lights and visiting Tingle Island in Wind Waker.

Seeing as this is the time for the rising dead, how about we take a look at some video game zombies?  Not just any zombies, but the zombies in Valve games.  This is because I find that Valve puts a little more creativity into these creepers, rather than copy-pasting the standard shuffling brain-eating undead monster.  With that said, let's start off with the Half-Life games.

Headcrab Zombies (Half-Life series)

End my suffering...release Episode 3!

Well there is definitely shuffling and brain-eating going on here, but not in the usual sense.  Headcrab zombies are the result of the inter-dimensional alien invasion that occurred in Half-Life 1.  These zombies are created when aliens called Headcrabs latch onto a person's head, bite through the skull, and then take control of said person's brain.  The result is that the host is alive and fully conscious while he is under control of the Headcrab.  The zombies come in a few forms, such as the standard Headcrab zombie pictured above, as well as the "fast" zombie (this is more of a Left 4 Dead type of zombie that can run and climb):

Note that the Headcrab probably forced the host to tear off his own skin.

And even a zombie that gives other Headcrabs a piggy-back ride:

Disturbed enough yet?  No?  Great!  Because it's time to move on to the Valve series dedicated completely to zombies, Left 4 Dead.

The Infected (Left 4 Dead series)

 Keeping with what seems to be a Valve zombie tradition, the zombies in the Left 4 Dead games are not undead.  The Infected are people who have contracted a fast spreading virus which is kind of like rabies, only much more extreme.  The Infected are alive but have lost their humanity.  They can't speak, they can't use tools or weapons, and they kill non-infected survivors by beating them down with their bare hands, all while growling and grunting like the sick beasts they have become.  The Infected can still feel pain but that doesn't stop them from charging at you even after you've shot off an arm or blown a gigantic hole in their stomach.

The most disturbing and cool zombies of the bunch are the special Infected, which are mutated forms of the regular zombies, but with their own special abilities.

For example, there's the Smoker, who has an extremely long tongue which it uses to entangle survivors and pull them to their doom:

There's also a special Infected called the Boomer, who vomits all over the survivors, which attracts huge hordes of the standard Infected:

In my opinion, the most disturbing special Infected is the Spitter, an extremely mutated Infected who coughs up burning acid which has done a number on her face:

There are plenty more special Infected in the Left 4 Dead games,and as you can see, they are all fitting to give you nightmares:

This concludes our quick look at some of the uniquely disturbing zombies in Valve games, hope this was able to contribute to the Halloween spirit!

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The Rise and Fall of Handheld Console Battery Life: A Modern Tragedy

After hearing the news about the Playstation Vita's 2012 U.S. release date, I again began to debate whether this handheld is worth waiting for, or if I should just take the plunge and buy a 3DS.  Inevitably I decided to compare the reported battery lives of the two handhelds, and the results were not too satisfying.  Both the Vita and the 3DS have an approximate battery life of 3-5 hours, meaning you'll be spending a lot of time with your good friend Mr. AC Adapter.  Apparently I'm not the only one upset about this.  Whatever happened to the good old days of handheld gaming?  Remember when changing batteries in your original Gameboy seemed like a rare occurrence?

With that in mind, I decided it would be interesting to look at the battery lives of some of the more popular handheld gaming consoles over the years.   Let's graph these suckers:

Click to expand.

Well you can thank the Sega Game Gear (3 hour battery life!) for ruining my hypothesis that battery life had improved up until a certain point, after which there would be a steep drop.  But still, look at that 30 hour battery life of the Gameboy Color then compare it to the approximately 4 hours of the 3DS.  Portable gaming just isn't so portable anymore.  Until battery technology catches up with modern hardware, we will still end up tethered to a power outlet most of the time.

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Odd Peripherals: The Playstation Reality Vest

There are a ton of peripherals in the gaming world, which range from useful to lame to what-were-they-thinking.  A few posts ago I talked about the Steel Battalion controller, which was incredibly expensive and impractical (due to only being compatible with the Steel Battalion games), but you have to admit it had a certain amount of coolness.

While I could fill pages and pages of this blog talking about all the completely weird and pointless gaming peripherals in existence, today we are going to look at just one, the Reality Vest for the Playstation 1.

It's such an obscure accessory that very few pictures exist online.

The Reality Vest was compatible with all Playstation 1 games that made use of the Dualshock controller.  The vest is essentially a giant wearable rumble pack that jolts your whole body around whenever a monkey is beating your ass in Ape Escape.  That's reality for you eh?

So for those of us who can't afford a reclining chair with built in vibration, here's your cheaper alternative!  Seriously though, I see no point in extending the rumble function from your hands (via the Dualshock) to your chest.  Unless this thing can pick me up and toss me into a wall every time I drive off the track in Gran Turismo, it has no business being called the Reality Vest.  But I guess we now know what the vibrating exercise belt scam evolved from.

Out of curiosity, are there any weird peripherals that you have bought during your years of gaming?

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Portal Mania

For all you Portal fans out there, now is your chance to grab Portal 2 at a great price. Steam is having a midweek sale, with Portal 2 priced at $15!

I also wanted to share an interesting video that my friend sent me. The video is about a Portal-type game created in the Unity 3D game engine, using a different approach to the portal gun we all know and love. In this game you take a snapshot of the screen, and then project the snapshot onto a wall. This allows you to step through the projected snapshot into the area you took a picture of. It's kind of weird to explain, so here is the video:


What's really interesting is that the portals allow you to travel back in time to the moment you took the snapshot. I hope Valve is keeping an eye on this, it would be a great feature to have in Portal 3!

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Gaming Questions That Have Yet To Be Answered

We all know that games are fantasy worlds where anything goes. The laws of physics can be laughed at, respawning is second nature to us, any conceivable creature or object can speak and act like a human, and so on and so forth. Sometimes you can't avoid questioning some of these design choices (I for one can be nit-picky at times). For example, I'm sure everyone who has played a Zelda game has wondered how Link can carry a ton of items at the same time without being burdened the slightest bit. Today we look at some similar questions from gaming over the years.


1. Why is Pacman being chased by ghosts?

 
Seriously, think about it for a second.  What's the story behind Pacman?  Is he exorcising a haunted house?  Strolling through a graveyard on Halloween?  Apparently Pacman is the first survival-horror game ever created.  Not only that, but the main character makes protagonists from later games seem like a bunch of sissies.  After all, this spherical badass can eat ghosts.


2. Why are Dr. Robotnik's technological creations so powerful, yet so vulnerable to being jumped on?

It seems that over the years Dr. Robotnik has created every sort of metal monstrosity known to mankind/hedgehogkind.  How is it that machines which are capable of burrowing through solid rock, or being fully submerged in lava, are brought to their knees when a tiny hedgehog jumps on it?

Maybe the lava weakened the armor plating?

The rock is no match for the hedgehog.

You'd think that after getting his ass kicked multiple times in Sonic the Hedgehog 1, Robotnik would have invested more into his R&D department.  It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Sonic dies when he touches metal spikes, just cover your machines with these to ensure world domination!


3. Why does Rayman have no limbs?

Ok maybe I'm starting to nitpick a bit much here, but seriously, what's going on here?  Is he the result of top secret government experiments?  Maybe he's a relative of Andross from the Star Fox games, or even Homestarrunner.  If his hands and feet are truly not connected to the rest of his body, then Rayman has a command of the Force that even Yoda would be jealous of.


4. Did anyone play-test Superman 64 before it was released?

Actually this one's pretty self-explanatory.

That wraps up our quick look at some of gaming's (mostly) unanswered questions.  If you have gaming questions you would like to see featured in a future blog entry, drop me an email at: strangegaming86@yahoo.com.

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Crazy Controllers: Steel Battalion

Recently I came across a preview for a game I never thought would exist.  The game is Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor for the Xbox 360.  We all remember the first game in the series, Steel Battalion for the original Xbox.  Well ok, we don't remember the game itself so much, but it's hard to forget the incredibly crazy/awesome/expensive controller that came bundled with the game.

And to think, so many people were complaining about how huge the standard Xbox gamepad was.

It's obvious that Capcom was very serious about creating a proper mech simulator.  This incredibly complex controller had 40 buttons, which performed in-game actions such as starting the mech's engine, firing the weapons, and even washing the windshield.   Let's not forget the almighty eject button; if your mech was on the brink of destruction, you had a limited amount of time to hit the eject button, or else your saved game would be automatically erased.  Brutal.

This controller was required to play Steel Battalion, so those of us who couldn't afford the $200 price tag were left out of the party.  Out of curiosity I did a quick Ebay search to see what these controllers were going for these days, and the price range seems to be $70-$100.  Not bad if you want to see what you missed back in the days of the original Xbox (I for one have always wanted to try this game out).

For the newest installment in the Steel Battalion series it looks like Capcom is doing away with monstrously complicated controllers.  The game will use Kinect to allow you to interact with all the controls in the mech's cockpit.  The Kinect is still a bit pricey at $150, but on the bright side it can be used with multiple games, as opposed to paying $200 for the original Steel Battalion setup where the controller was only good for Steel Battalion.

This concludes an installment of Crazy Controllers, hope this brought up some nostalgia!

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The Gabepire Strikes Back

This week amidst all the chaos of Mark Zuckerberg continuing to manipulate the masses (i.e. Facebook has been updated yet again), I happened to come across this picture on Facebook:

Seeing as I'm a huge Team Fortress 2 fan (as well as a Star Wars fan), I couldn't help but create my own version of this picture, using every Valve gamer's favorite punching bag: Gabe Newell.

These aren't the delayed games you are looking for.

It's very easy to draw parallels between Facebook users and Team Fortress 2 players, seeing as both sets of people complain like mad whenever a large update is released for their respective platform.  I for one am glad that Valve continues to support TF2 nearly four years after the game's release, but sadly I have at times been among the complainers.

When item trading was first introduced, I absolutely loathed it, mainly because the chat topics on the servers immediately switched over from strategizing to weapon trading.  This greatly ruined the TF2 experience for many weeks until finally players created trading servers for such things, and strategy chat made a triumphant return in the regular servers.

Also, while I now accept that new weapons are added to TF2 every couple of weeks, I still miss the days when new weapons were a special occasion.  Fellow TF2ers know what I'm talking about; new weapons were released every few months or so, and to unlock them you had to complete achievements.  None of this random drop nonsense.

But anyway, Team Fortress 2 is still awesome, no matter how much the Newell team messes with it!

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The Freaks of Bioshock, Part 3 Finale: The Big Daddies

What do you get when you brainwash The Incredible Hulk and send him on a deep sea diving expedition? A Big Daddy of course!

Captain Nemo better be thankful he never came across Rapture.

Well not exactly, but it's as close an analogy as any.  Big Daddies are essentially the face of Bioshock, and for most gamers they are the first thing that comes to mind when this game is mentioned.

In-game, the purpose of the Big Daddies is to protect the Little Sisters while the girls cheerfully extract ADAM from the many Splicer corpses littered throughout Rapture.  Initially Little Sisters went about this task on their own.  But as you can imagine, with such model citizens as the psychopathic, ADAM-addicted Splicers, gathering ADAM was not a walk in the park (or a walk in Arcadia).  After suffering numerous Little Sister casualties, Dr. Suchong proposed to create protectors for the brainwashed girls, beginning the era of Big Daddies in Rapture.

A Big Daddy is essentially a Rapture citizen who is spliced to the extreme, giving him extreme muscle mass and agility.  The cost is a loss of humanity due to the mind control splices that are part of the conversion process.  For reasons not explained, the vocal chords of a Big Daddy are modified to give him a super deep voice which can only make moaning and growling sounds.  Lastly, the skin of the subject is removed and the subject is attached directly to a deep sea diving suit, so that the suit essentially becomes his new skin.  Due to this being a splicing process that is obviously not very desirable, volunteers were non-existent, leading to forced Big Daddy conversions.

The two types of Big Daddies encountered in Bioshock are the iconic, drill-equipped Bouncers and the rivet gun-equipped Rosies.

The Bouncer

The Rosie

As you can see from the following video, these protectors of Little Sisters do their job fairly well; any hostility towards a Little Sister is met with total brutality:



These hulking monstrosities are the most difficult enemies in the game to take down.  However, unlike the other enemies in the game, they will not attack you unless provoked, which gives you time to prepare and strategize.  Once you initiate a battle (and you must battle at least some of these guys, because you need ADAM from the accompanying Little Sisters), prepare for a thrilling experience as these gigantic tanks try to cut you in half!

This concludes our look at the many freaks of Bioshock, now get out there and mow down some Splicers!

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Nintendo 3DS and the Raiders of the Awkward Right Joystick

Sorry for the lack of updates the past couple weeks, I have plunged into the world of web development and have been caught up learning PHP and CSS, as well as re-learning HTML (an annoying language in my opinion).

Anyway, a bit of news about the Nintendo 3DS that I thought worth mentioning in this blog of strangeness: the incredibly awkward-looking right analog stick add-on.

Is it just me or does this add-on look incredibly clunky and uncomfortable?  From an aesthetic standpoint, it gives the impression of a cheap and rushed addition.  Also it seems as if the face buttons would be a little difficult to reach during an action-packed gaming session.  Here's hoping for a future redesign of the 3DS that will incorporate dual analog sticks into a better controller layout.

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The Freaks of Bioshock, Part 2: Little Sisters

Last time we covered the freakiest of the Bioshock characters, the Splicers.  In part 2 of this series we will look at everyone's favorite creepy brainwashed children: the Little Sisters.

If the glowing eyes don't make you run for your life, maybe the bloody syringe will.

Little Sisters were "created" in order to produce ADAM, the substance discussed in part 1.  They are girls who have been implanted with a certain sea slug, creating a symbiotic relationship between the two beings.  Using the girl as a host, the slug generates massive amounts of ADAM, which can be harvested by causing the Little Sister to vomit.  Pretty disgusting so far right?  It gets worse.


As the civil war in Rapture continued on, it was discovered that ADAM could be recycled from the blood of Splicers who had been killed in battle.  In order to perform the recycling, Little Sisters were required to extract and drink the blood of Splicer corpses.  It makes you wonder what is going on in the heads of the game developers at 2K Games.  Anyway, the Little Sisters were brainwashed into seeing corpses as "angels," which means they have no problem jamming syringes into dead bodies to withdraw and drink their blood.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

As a result of the implanted slug, the brainwashing treatment, or both, Little Sisters speak in a creepy voice worthy of a demon possession.  They cheerfully dance around the halls of Rapture, singing in their freaky voices or talking to their companions, the Big Daddies (more info to come!).

If you decide to panic and gun down every Little Sister in sight, you are out of luck.  They are immortal as long as the slug lives inside them.  However, if you play through Bioshock as an evil bastard, you can "harvest" the slugs from the Little Sisters, effectively killing them, and bringing you closer to the dark ending of the game.

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The Freaks of Bioshock, Part 1: Splicers

Bioshock is a great game with an even greater atmosphere to experience.  If you can use your imagination and get past the fact that it is impossible to build such a city as Rapture, then you really feel as if you are exploring the wreckage of a once-grand underwater metropolis.  The eery environments are made even creepier due to the fact that you know you are going to encounter a myriad of the game's signature freaks, some of which will gladly appear at unexpected moments when your guard is down.

Since there are so many weird character types in Bioshock, this will be a multiple part blog series, starting with the creepiest inhabitants of Rapture: the Splicers.

The Splicers are the most common type of enemies encountered during your trip to Rapture.  They were once normal citizens who fell victim to the popular trend of splicing, which involves using a substance called ADAM to rewrite a person's DNA.  The result is that the person gains superpowers, but at the cost of destabilizing his or her body cells.  In other words, they go insane and their bodies become hideously deformed.  In addition, splicing causes a drug-like addiction, so as a result you have yourself a top-notch psychopath.  Quite a few of the Splicers are ashamed of how deformed their faces have become, and wear masks to hide it.  However the masks can be knocked off, and not all Splicers wear masks, so you are bound to be creeped out no matter what.

WHERE'S...MY.......ADAM??!!

Splicers come in many forms, such as the Thuggish Splicer (pictured above), and the Leadhead Splicer, who attack you with blunt objects and guns respectively.

There are also more super-powered variants such as the Spider Splicer, who can climb on walls and ceilings, and tend to drop down right in your face when they attack.

Spider Splicer

It is worth noting that in Bioshock 2, Spider Splicers have become extremely deformed, and are probably the creepiest enemies in the game:

Spider Splicer in Bioshock 2

One of the most challenging Splicer types is the Houdini Splicer.  This Splicer has the ability to teleport to different areas of the room, as well as the ability to blast you with fireballs when attacking you head on.

Houdini Splicer

Now, keep in mind that you encounter these cheerful citizens of Rapture in dark, quiet, abandoned locations.  Needless to say, there are plenty of jump out of your seat moments in Bioshock, and that's part of what makes this game such an entertaining experience.

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