strange gaming: August 2011

The Freaks of Bioshock, Part 2: Little Sisters

Last time we covered the freakiest of the Bioshock characters, the Splicers. In part 2 of this series we will look at everyone's favorite creepy brainwashed children: the Little Sisters.

If the glowing eyes don't make you run for your life, maybe the bloody syringe will.

Little Sisters were "created" in order to produce ADAM, the substance discussed in part 1. They are girls who have been implanted with a certain sea slug, creating a symbiotic relationship between the two beings. Using the girl as a host, the slug generates massive amounts of ADAM, which can be harvested by causing the Little Sister to vomit. Pretty disgusting so far right? It gets worse.

As the civil war in Rapture continued on, it was discovered that ADAM could be recycled from the blood of Splicers who had been killed in battle. In order to perform the recycling, Little Sisters were required to extract and drink the blood of Splicer corpses. It makes you wonder what is going on in the heads of the game developers at 2K Games. Anyway, the Little Sisters were brainwashed into seeing corpses as "angels," which means they have no problem jamming syringes into dead bodies to withdraw and drink their blood.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

As a result of the implanted slug, the brainwashing treatment, or both, Little Sisters speak in a creepy voice worthy of a demon possession. They cheerfully dance around the halls of Rapture, singing in their freaky voices or talking to their companions, the Big Daddies (more info to come!).

If you decide to panic and gun down every Little Sister in sight, you are out of luck. They are immortal as long as the slug lives inside them. However, if you play through Bioshock as an evil bastard, you can "harvest" the slugs from the Little Sisters, effectively killing them, and bringing you closer to the dark ending of the game.

The Freaks of Bioshock, Part 1: Splicers

Bioshock is a great game with an even greater atmosphere to experience. If you can use your imagination and get past the fact that it is impossible to build such a city as Rapture, then you really feel as if you are exploring the wreckage of a once-grand underwater metropolis. The eery environments are made even creepier due to the fact that you know you are going to encounter a myriad of the game's signature freaks, some of which will gladly appear at unexpected moments when your guard is down.

Since there are so many weird character types in Bioshock, this will be a multiple part blog series, starting with the creepiest inhabitants of Rapture: the Splicers.

The Splicers are the most common type of enemies encountered during your trip to Rapture. They were once normal citizens who fell victim to the popular trend of splicing, which involves using a substance called ADAM to rewrite a person's DNA. The result is that the person gains superpowers, but at the cost of destabilizing his or her body cells. In other words, they go insane and their bodies become hideously deformed. In addition, splicing causes a drug-like addiction, so as a result you have yourself a top-notch psychopath. Quite a few of the Splicers are ashamed of how deformed their faces have become, and wear masks to hide it. However the masks can be knocked off, and not all Splicers wear masks, so you are bound to be creeped out no matter what.

WHERE'S...MY.......ADAM??!!

Splicers come in many forms, such as the Thuggish Splicer (pictured above), and the Leadhead Splicer, who attack you with blunt objects and guns respectively.

There are also more super-powered variants such as the Spider Splicer, who can climb on walls and ceilings, and tend to drop down right in your face when they attack.

Spider Splicer

It is worth noting that in Bioshock 2, Spider Splicers have become extremely deformed, and are probably the creepiest enemies in the game:

Spider Splicer in Bioshock 2

One of the most challenging Splicer types is the Houdini Splicer. This Splicer has the ability to teleport to different areas of the room, as well as the ability to blast you with fireballs when attacking you head on.

Houdini Splicer

Now, keep in mind that you encounter these cheerful citizens of Rapture in dark, quiet, abandoned locations. Needless to say, there are plenty of jump out of your seat moments in Bioshock, and that's part of what makes this game such an entertaining experience.

Gaming News: Sony Cuts PS3 Price to $250

Let us deviate from our path of game strangeness for a minute and report that Sony is cutting the price of the PS3 from $299 to $249. Looks like Sony decided to play a little follow-the-leader after the recent price drop of the Nintendo 3DS.

Regardless, it is now a bit more affordable to try out some weird PS3 games such as Catherine, where you get to experience the nightmares of the protagonist, while solving puzzles along the way.

Annoying Sidekicks That Make You Want to Go Solo

Sometimes, even the mightiest of game characters need someone or something to provide assistance. When done properly, a sidekick for the main character can be a valuable asset, providing hints or new abilities that wouldn't be available otherwise. Sometimes a good sidekick can be there mainly to provide observations that help to pull you into the story, such as in the Halo games when Cortana provides the Master Chief with updates about the Covenant's whereabouts and current actions.

However, there are game developers out there who want to ruin our fun by providing annoying and sometimes worthless sidekicks that rarely do more than get on our nerves. Here are some of the offending characters that you may have had the misfortune of putting up with.

Ashley from Resident Evil 4

Leon help! Help me! Leon!! Help!

The low point of Resident Evil 4 is when you rescue Ashley, because from then on the game pretty much becomes one giant escort mission. Ashley has absolutely no way to defend herself, which results in her constantly crying for you to help her. This is a huge inconvenience while you are trying to defend yourself from hordes of almost-zombie villagers. Worse still, she has her own life bar, so if you decide to let her fend for herself you'll be greeted with plenty of game over screens. I suspect that only Ico is a game that involves more hand holding than this Resident Evil game.

Roman from Grand Theft Auto IV

Cousin! Let us go bowling, again.

Ok so technically Roman isn't your sidekick in GTA IV, but you end up driving him around the city so much that he might as well be. Roman is the cousin of the main character Niko, and enjoys spending time with him, which means that he often gives Niko a call and asks that they hang out. This wouldn't be a problem if the phone calls were few and far between, but no, it seems like every five minutes you are receiving a call from Roman to go bowling, play darts, or hit up the strip clubs. And you always have to drive over to pick up Roman within a time limit, or else he feels that you snubbed him, and your friendship rating nosedives. There's nothing more annoying than having to drive all the way across Liberty City to pick this guy up and take him to a bar for the 100th time in the game.

Navi from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

This is probably the most annoying character in all the Zelda games, a fairy who won't shut up. Navi is your constant companion throughout the entire game, and can be very helpful by telling you the weaknesses of enemies, and hinting at which area you should visit next in order to make progress in the storyline. However, when she wants you to advance further in the game, she constantly lets you know about it, driving both you and Link insane with cries of "Hey! Hey! Listen!!" As all Zelda fans can tell you, it's a very unpleasant experience to have a fairy screaming in your ear every couple of minutes while you are trying to travel Hyrule field to complete side-quests.

The Many Odd Choices for Protagonists

When playing video games, we all like to play as interesting characters, from the mighty Link to the Jedi and Sith of the Knights of the Old Republic games. Seeing as how we'll be stuck playing as these characters for the 10-30+ hours it usually takes to complete a game, we'd like the characters to be somewhat likeable.

Fortunately a majority of the games I have played have included protagonists that I found thoroughly enjoyable. However, as with everything in life, there have been some serious mistakes made by game developers when choosing a main protagonist for their games. What follows are a few protagonists that I think should never have been allowed to make it past the drawing board.

Lester, from Lester the Unlikely

I actually didn't even know this game existed until watching the Angry Video Game Nerd's review. Lester is indeed an unlikely hero, basically just a geeky, cowardly teenager with no heroic qualities whatsoever. Whenever he encounters an enemy, Lester will spin around and run for his life. What crowd was this game supposed to be marketed to? Nobody plays video games so they may be placed into the shoes of a sniveling coward with an embarrassing walk cycle (really, you have to see it to believe it). That would be like making a Bully game where you play as the kids who get their asses kicked by Jimmy on a daily basis.

Shaq, from Shaq Fu

Don't get me wrong, I love playing as Shaq in NBA games, but I completely disliked a Kung Fu-fighting Shaq. Maybe I'm just bitter because this game was utter garbage, with bad collision detection and impossible-to-execute combos. But a really bad design choice is that you barely notice you are playing as Shaq, it just feels like some cookie-cutter angry 7' tall guy. If the developers had even tried to incorporate some of Shaq's unique personality, Shaq Fu could have been a very funny experience and I might have been able to put up with the severe game play flaws.

The Rookie, from Halo 3: ODST

I'm probably digging myself into a deep hole by including The Rookie on this list, but hear me out first! It seems like Bungie was trying too hard to make a "Master Chief Jr." when designing this character. This game could have been Bungie's chance to introduce a completely new character with an entirely different personality and style than the no-nonsense Chief (which they sort of succeeded in with the inclusion of other playable troopers). Instead we get a completely silent character with no personality at all, who adds nothing to the Halo universe. I call him Master Chief Jr. because he looks and controls just like the Chief, but since he isn't a Spartan, we don't get any of the signature daring stunts (as well as the signature in-game respect from your fellow Marines) that make the Master Chief so awesome.

Honorable Mention: Tidus from Final Fantasy X

I ranted about this annoying brat earlier, so as a result he receives an honorable mention.

Strange Gaming Moment: Gravemind the Talking Plant

Remember back when you had your first play through of Halo 1? The suspense as you made your way through the dark and creepy swamp level? The anticipation of what kind of terrifying enemy would make the Covenant run for their lives? I admit I was a bit let down upon finding out that the main reason for the suspense was just the zombie-like Flood, but it was still a nice change of pace to have a new enemy to battle. The Flood were a pain in the ass to fight, mainly because of how resilient they were to most weapons except the shotgun and the rocket launcher. Even the sheer numbers of the parasitic forms could be a nightmare if your shields were down.

Go ahead, unload that entire assault rifle clip into him, he can take it.

I was content to think of the Flood as a bunch of zombies who were controlled by the parasitic forms, each with individual mindless goals (attack anything that isn't a Flood). However, with the release of Halo 2, Bungie decided to make the Flood a hive-minded species, controlled by one supreme Flood creature. The problem is that they chose one of the most laughable ways of doing this. Meet Gravemind:

It's a little hard to tell from screenshots, but Gravemind is essentially a gigantic talking Venus flytrap. Kind of difficult taking the story seriously when something so comical is introduced isn't it? Gravemind's main goal is for the Flood to consume all sentient life in the galaxy, apparently while they all die of laughter from seeing a talking plant pretending to be a badass.

Despite all the negative feedback from Halo fans, Bungie again included Gravemind in Halo 3 as one of the main antagonists. Thankfully the Master Chief and the Arbiter destroy him once and for all, but it remains to be seen if another Gravemind-like creature will make an appearance in Halo 4.

Odd Moments in Japanese Arcade Gaming

Let's face it, games developed in Japan can get downright strange. I'm not saying all Japanese games are weird, because it would be gamer blasphemy to knock such masterpieces as the Mario and Zelda franchises, and the majority of the Final Fantasy games. Although, think about the concept of Super Mario for a second and tell me it's not weird to play a game where a fat plumber warps around using pipes while battling killer turtles.

Anyway, the strangeness of some of these games extends to the arcades of Japan, where we see games that would probably not survive in censorship-crazy America. One such game is Boong-Ga Boong-Ga.

As you can probably tell from the screenshot, Boong-Ga Boong-Ga is an ass-smacking simulator, where you hit the butt attached to the machine, and poke it using the supplied plastic finger, in order to score points. While the sick bastards play this game, they get to watch the screen and get further enjoyment from seeing the pained facial expressions of the digital person whose ass is being attacked.

New this year in Japan is the Sega Toylet, which is a game add-on for urinals in public bathrooms.

Apparently taking a leak has never been this fun.

The Sega Toylet contains multiple game modes, all which have to do with measuring urine streams using a pressure sensor embedded in the urinal. One such game is all about "washing" graffiti off a virtual wall by urinating as hard as possible onto the sensor. As weird as this whole gaming concept sounds, am I the only one who thinks this would be a huge hit here in America?

Until next time, happy ass-smacking!

Strange Gaming News: Gotham City Impostors Beta

While we all wait for the dark and serious Batman: Arkham City to arrive, why not sign up for a beta test of a goofier, much stranger Batman-themed game? The beta for Gotham City Impostors (available for Xbox 360, PS3, PC) will start in September, but you can head over to the game's main site to sign up right now.

For those who haven't heard of this game, it's a team-based first person shooter consisting of one Batman team and one Joker team. Each team consists of psychopathic average Joes dressed up as either Batman or the Joker, depending on their team. The trailer, which showcases fast paced action and over-the-top weaponry, brings back memories (for me at least) of frantic Timesplitters multiplayer matches. Chances are it won't be able to dethrone Team Fortress 2 in the area of team-based game play, but it should still be fun to fire rockets at murderous Batman wannabes wielding machine guns.

Awkward Gaming Moment: Cloud Strife in Drag

In an earlier post, I claimed that Cloud Strife was one of the most badass characters in the Final Fantasy games, certainly more so than Tidus and Vaan of later games. However, there is one moment in Final Fantasy VII that puts this into question, which is when Cloud dresses up in drag. For all five of you who haven't played FFVII, I'll have you know that I'm not making this up.

In an early mission in the game, Cloud wanders through the Wall Market section of Midgar, collecting items of clothing such as a dress and lingerie, and even finds himself obtaining a wig. The point being that Cloud needs to enter a mafia leader's house where he believes Tifa has been kidnapped. Apparently cross dressing is the only way to do this, I guess Cloud forgot that he carries a body-sized sword and is powerful enough to match Sephiroth.

So anyway, Cloudette manages to get an audience with the mafia leader, and if it wasn't awkward enough seeing Cloud in a dress:

Don't worry, because it just keeps getting more awkward...

And more awkward...

Tifa eventually barges in and finds Cloud in this awkward situation, making for one of the funniest parts in the game. Whether you think it's funny or mentally scarring, we can all agree that this is definitely an Awkward Moment in Gaming!

The Fighters of Soul Calibur: Meet the Freak Show

First off, before I get accused of bashing, I would like to say that I'm a fan of fighting games, especially the Soul Calibur games. They are some of the easiest games to pick up and play, with enough depth and fun factor to keep you coming back for years. In a game a such as Soul Calibur, where the battle between good and evil is always present, mainly due to two magical swords, you expect to see a certain degree of mystical character design. Soul Calibur definitely provides the mystical characters, such as the ghost pirate Cervantes and the possessed knight Nightmare.

Cervantes

Nightmare

However, the Soul Calibur games are also home to many freakish characters, and that is what I'm here to talk about: the top 3 freaks of the Soul Calibur games.

3. Yoshimitsu

Yoshimitsu is just as much a badass as he is a freaky character. Does this ninja let the loss of his arm stop him or even slow him down? Not a chance, he shows his skill by wearing a prosthetic and using it as his primary sword-wielding arm.

Now the reason I put him into the freak category is mainly because of his fighting style and his personality in general. While uttering strange ninja-ish cries, he performs moves such as using his sword like a pogo-stick and bouncing all around, or flying through the air by spinning the sword like a helicopter blade (and sometimes using the little flag attached to his back), or even spinning himself around like a ballerina until he collapses from making himself dizzy. Victories usually result in him sitting in some awkward pose and making strange noises that can't really be described.

2. Necrid (Soul Calibur II only)

Now we're really starting to move into freak territory. This not-so-jolly green giant made only one appearance in the Soul Calibur series, and due to low popularity we probably won't be seeing him again. Besides being laughable in appearance, he speaks his own unintelligible language consisting of growls and mumbles, which can also earn some laughs from time to time. His in-game story is pretty bland, he was a mighty warrior who happened to come across some shards of the evil sword Soul Edge, which then turned him into the Hulk's little brother. After all these years I still can't figure out what the deal is with the lava spotlight strapped to his chest, but due to strange design he earns the 2nd spot on this freaky list.

1. Voldo

Voldo is hands down the strangest character in all the Soul Calibur games. Words cannot describe how odd it is to see this character in motion, even watching him stand idle is a weird experience. Voldo is blind and mute, and only speaks through eery hissing sounds and the occasional moan. His fighting style is as unorthodox as you can imagine, with a variety of movements that you would never expect a human to perform. Yes, as hard as it is to believe, especially after seeing Voldo's animations, he is human. See for yourself why I have crowned Voldo the king of Soul Calibur freaks.

And that wraps up our look at the freaks of the Soul Calibur series. Until next time, happy fighting!

Strange News in Gaming

In "exciting" news, Excalibur Publishing Limited has released their thrilling game titled Street Cleaning Simulator! Who needs Grand Theft Auto, with it's fast cars, police chases, and all-out carnage? Excalibur Publishing claims that you'd rather be cruising the streets at a comfortable 5 MPH pace, scrubbing away dirt, fast food wrappers, and all other exciting pieces of trash.

Seriously, whenever I think that developers are running out of ideas, along comes a group of developers to prove that yes, they are indeed running out of ideas. I understand the existence of other simulation games; railroad simulators have a generous following, and obviously flight simulators are very popular. But why did someone need to develop a street cleaning simulation? You are marketing to a very small, if non-existent niche here. Judging from the harsh review courtesy of Gamespot, it's as if the developers figured nobody was going to purchase this game anyway and put no effort into creating a polished simulation.

Street Cleaning Simulator, coming to a bargain bin near you.

Tingle: The Man-Elf From Your Worst Nightmares

When you stop to think about it, the Legend of Zelda games have some genuinely creepy characters. People have plenty to fear from these games, be it Ooccoo from Twilight Princess, the Redeads from Ocarina of Time, and probably the most feared character of them all: Tingle.

Tingle first appeared to haunt our nightmares in Majora's Mask for the N64, where he desperately wants to be a fairy. He has become so delusional that he thinks wearing green full-body spandex, acting extremely flamboyant, and flying around with the help of a balloon tied to his waist has magically transformed him. Sadly the only way to receive maps for certain areas of the game are by buying them through Tingle, so for most of us, this creature was unavoidable.

And then, for reasons unknown, Nintendo decided that Tingle was a huge hit, and to the horror of gamers everywhere they made the choice to include him in many Zelda games following Majora's Mask. I still remember thinking that after Majora's Mask I was done with that man-elf once and for all, only to cry in anguish upon finding him in The Oracle of Ages, floating around and staring at me with that creepy smile that would strike fear into the heart of Ganon.

As if that wasn't enough, Nintendo chose to torture us even more by upping the ante in the Wind Waker. We not only get Tingle, but we get a location called Tingle Island that is entirely populated by Tingle clones!

Why did Nintendo do this to us? Is it because Wind Waker is a game about sailing the open seas, so Nintendo wanted to include their version of the Bermuda Triangle?

Thankfully, Miyamoto decided to give us a break by not including the man-elf-satan in Twilight Princess, probably knowing that a game with both Tingle and Ooccoo would probably scare away most gamers from future Zelda games. But it still doesn't excuse them from all the Tingle appearances in the past. Until next time, Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah!

Left 4 Dead Boomer Necklace

I thought this was a funny/strange idea for a necklace, so I had to share it! Behold the Boomer necklace:

What better gift than a gigantic, dangerous sack of vomit?

The Final Fantasy Xperience: Where Main Character Design Goes Wrong

Ah the Final Fantasy series, just thinking of it evokes memories of epic quests, magical and technologically advanced worlds on the brink of destruction, and lately, sissy-boy main characters who do nothing but whine and complain. What has happened to the leading characters in FF games? We didn't have this problem in earlier games in the series. I'm sure that when you first read the words "Final Fantasy" in this post, most of you immediately thought of Final Fantasy 7, with the badass leading character Cloud Strife. This guy was pure awesome, the only character in the game able to face Sephiroth one-on-one and carve him to pieces.

It's time to kick ass and chew materia gum.

Side note: I'm not even going to touch the topic of the emo Cloud in the Final Fantasy: Advent Children movie; as far as I'm concerned, movies based on games are not canon and therefore do not exist.

Another character in the game who was almost equally as awesome as Cloud (and who was also my favorite character in the game) was Barret Wallace.

A Final Fantasy game with a party member who is basically Mr. T with a robotic machine gun arm? How could anybody not like this?

So, now that we've set the bar for how awesome characters in Final Fantasy games can be, let's see how more recent FF games fall short with their main characters.

The one Final Fantasy game that has probably received the most ridicule due to character design is Final Fantasy X. Let's just jump right to a picture of the main character Tidus to set the stage for this topic:

Is it a boy? A girl?

Do you hear that? It's the sound of all the Cloud Strife fans groaning in disgust simultaneously. Tidus is the exact opposite of everything we expect from a strong leading character in a Final Fantasy game. First and foremost, he never stops whining. From the very beginning of the game, you are treated to nonstop complaints from his ridiculously annoying voice, where most of his dialogue sounds like something you'd hear from grade school brats throwing a tantrum. It's as if the developers intended Tidus to originally be an obnoxious little girl but changed this at the very last minute, which would explain why most people at first glance can't even tell whether Tidus is a guy or girl.

Speaking of the visual oddities of characters in Final Fantasy X, it would be unfair not to mention party member Wakka, the man with the laughable haircut.

Wakka finds your lack of hairspray disturbing

Wakka isn't anywhere near as annoying as Tidus, he's mainly just a naive, goofy character with a wannabe Rastafarian accent. So besides his strange hairdo, there's not much to say here.

Now that I've mentioned hairdos in FFX, I might as well mention one more character before moving on, and that character is Maester Seymour.

Just look at that impossible hair, did the devs at Square think we could take this guy seriously with his triple claw hairdo? He's one of the main villains of the game, yet instead of commanding respect and awe, he commands laughter and ridicule from gamers worldwide every time he makes an appearance.

Ok enough of the freaks from Final Fantasy X with their whiny voices and laughable haircuts. There is one more character from recent Final Fantasy games that must be mentioned, Vaan from Final Fantasy 12. He's absolutely pointless in the main story and contributes nothing in grand scheme of things apart from making small observations here and there. Vaan is just a homeless kid tagging along for the ride while delivering lines (in mostly monotone, probably should have placed him in my article about bad voice acting) that you'll neither remember nor care about.

And believe me, when I refer to Vaan as "he," I'm using the term as loosely as possible, because it's seriously hard to tell what Vaan is. Square seems to have gone overboard with the uber-sissyness of this character. Looking back at Final Fantasy 7, would you ever have believed that Square would develop a FF game with this he/she kid as the "main" character? To be fair though, since Vaan doesn't speak very often, he automatically isn't as annoying as Tidus, and he tends not to whine anywhere near as much, which is also a plus.

This concludes the What the hell was Square thinking moment.

A Strange Moment in Gaming History

This installment of A Strange Moment in Gaming History is a piece of shit, literally. I'm talking about none other than The Great Mighty Poo from Conker's Bad Fur day for the Nintendo 64.

Who would have thought that something so strange as a sentient, steaming pile of crap could be among the best features of the Conker game?

The Great Mighty Poo is the ruler of Poo Mountain, which is essentially a pile of shit even bigger than the gigantic Poo himself, although it is not "alive" like he is. The residents of this mountain include dung beetles who happily tunnel through the mountain, rolling up balls of dung which they later feast on (along with swearing at Conker and attacking him if he gets too close).

The lovely sight of Poo Mountain

Eventually Conker reaches a point where he has to do battle with the Mighty Poo, and here is where we find that not only is the Mighty Poo a living pile of crap (with sweet corn kernels for teeth, ugh), he is a singing pile of crap, an opera singer no less! I kid you not!

In order to defeat this dangerous, opera singing shitbag, Conker must throw rolls of toilet paper into the Mighty Poo's mouth during opportune times of his song. When all is said and done, we find that the Poo has been sitting on top of a toilet bowl this whole time, and Conker merely has to flush him away, making us say goodbye to one of the strangest and most hilarious aspects of the game.

This concludes another installment of A Strange Moment in Gaming History, if you have a strange gaming moment that you would like to see featured, feel free to send it to strangegaming86@yahoo.com

Historically Bad Voice Acting in Games

We've all played a game or two in our lives that has made us either cringe or bust out laughing (or both) upon reaching a cutscene. I don't know about you, but when I'm watching a cutscene, I like to feel at least some immersion in the game world. Even if it's a comical world such as in the Sonic Adventure games, the voice actors should at least give us the impression that they are trying to do their jobs. But alas, in too many cases we have received some of the most cringe-worthy voice acting in gaming history.

Now that is some uninspiring voice acting! And since we are on the topic of awkward, monotone-ish voiceovers, you know that I'm going to bring up Capcom. The Resident Evil games are notorious for providing bland, uninspired, and as a result hilarious voice acting (Jill sandwich anyone?).

Were the actors even trying? How could Capcom let this pass inspection knowing that laughing at cutscenes in a survival horror is a sure way to break the mood? To their credit, recent Resident Evil games have improved their voiceovers, although it appears that the character of Albert Wesker will always remain over the top, as he should be!

Now, to finish off this small roundup of bad voice acting, we have to go somewhere that is absolutely painful to even think of. Games whose mere mention makes Nintendo fans scream in rage and anguish before clutching their copies of A Link to the Past for comfort. The games I speak of are....The CD-i Zelda Games!

Judging by this pose and hairstyle, I don't even want to know what he has to say.

Besides the fact that the gameplay in these CD-i versions of Zelda has no redeeming features, the cutscenes are jaw-dropping bad. I can't even express the horror of these cutscenes. The most obvious blasphemy to Nintendo fans (besides the fact that these games were made) is that the developers gave the famously silent Link a speaking role, and to add insult to injury, Link and all the other characters were voiced by amateur actors who obviously had no freaking idea what they were doing!

Seeing as we've hit rock bottom with the CD-i Zelda cutscenes, this is as good a time as any to wrap up this segment of Historically Bad Voice Acting in Games.

If you know of more cringe-worthy cutscenes that you would like featured in this blog, feel free to drop an email to: strangegaming86@yahoo.com